To say my life is a rollercoaster would be an understatement of gargantuan proportions. Unbelievable highs and lows that would fell most have become my norm. I have learned that when I am at my most low, I need to rely on others to help me rise above, even if those don't actually know they are helping. That is one of the reasons I love this Weight Loss Surgery Community.
As a single income family with special need children, money is ALWAYS an issue, but we find that every 4 years, it gets bad, really bad, and takes us the next couple of years to crawl out and start the cycle again. This is one of those years. I am not kvetching, just letting you know that this is my reality, and I rely on YOU to help me, not financially, but emotionally and spiritually.
A couple of weeks ago I arrived at Onderland, which, to those NOT in the know, means I have reached a weight BELOW 200lbs. Much joy for sure, I haven't seen those numbers on the scale in more than half my life! I received LOTS of well wishes and congratulations, and I was told how much my videos help members of my community. Thank you, it is part of the reason I make them, 1) to catalogue my progress, 2) to make myself accountable to others, and 3) to possibly help others who have come up behind me. But I wanted to let you know how much you all help ME too!
I have been making videos on youtube since Jan 2010, when I started this journey, (first as https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaRabbitwannabe , and then as https://www.youtube.com/user/PatrinaStrippedBare ,because I used it to research my own journey and see how others had done before me. I thought it would be a great place to vent, and brag, and have a kind of testimony to my progress. In the process I have made many friends, and I watch it religiously! On bad days I can go to it 6-7 times a day, hoping to see a friends video. I rely on them. Today was no exception, I awoke from a bad dream fretting about money and how we were going to make due and I sat at my laptop and hit youtube. I can usually count on Sally a.k.a https://www.youtube.com/user/cabernetqueen, or Rosemary a.k.a https://www.youtube.com/user/gastricRose, or her sister Connie a.k.a https://www.youtube.com/user/QuiltingConnieB, to say something uplifting and help me cheer up, or if they are struggling, for me to reach out a hand and support them. After all, I am a firm believer in a load shared is a load halved! But this morning it was a different WLS friend who helped me. Vikki, whom I have never met, I know on youtube as https://www.youtube.com/user/VikkiJean2000 . Today she posted a video for her surgiversary, so one year ago today she had the surgery that gave her her life back! I watched as she joined a snippet from all her previous videos together showing her progress, clips of her on the gurney getting wheeled off to surgery, and I wept. I wept because I remembered the struggle of being huge, I remember the fear and elation as surgery day came. I remember the frustration of adjusting to my new life, and her video helped me reconnect to the fact that while my day to day life was difficult, I had been brave enough to take the bull by the horns and change things as far as my own person was considered. I saw the fear on her face and it was like looking at myself, and I saw her shrink, and I saw her smile, which lights up her face. She helped me give my head a shake this morning and open up my eyes to the fact that bad stuff happens, but I AM ALIVE! I am alive and WELL! I used her joy to buoy myself up for the day. I hope she doesn't mind. After all, if a load shared is a load halved, then a joy shared is a joy doubled!