Don't Let It Eat You!

As I was scrolling around youtube I came across a new peep prepping for WLS. He posted about two women who work at his local coffee shop being outright rude to him, and how he was hurt by them, and tired of feeling invisible. I replied to him and told him about my experiences and told him about the similar blog I wrote a few weeks back, but it got me to thinking too. After years and years of being dissed, ignored and looked right through by the "normal" public, do people who have had the surgery feel resentment when they start getting SEEN? Especially if you are single, and those you have shown interest in when you were large were hurtful back toward you? I can really see how after you have lost the weight and those of the opposite gender start smiling and flirting, how maybe that could get right under your craw. But I will tell you what I told him..."I am not a super religious person, but Jesus said, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." I truly believe that most people don't realize that they are looking right through you, or that they may have been rude. I think that society today has no idea how to act appropriately to the obese. Maybe they are embarassed for us, maybe we make them damned uncomfortable, so rather then confront, they just ignore. We don't even show up on their radar at the end of the day, so why would we let it eat at us and make us bitter. They go to sleep at night and wake rested, but we toss and turn ans stew and spit at how we were treated. It is entirely unproductive and destructive. My advice is to keep your chin up, and keep moving forward, and if you are getting the surgery, trust that things will change. It's almost like their vision comes into focus and BLOOP, there we are. They smile, they meet your eyes, maybe even joke a little with you. Now, bear in mind, this comes from an outrageous flirt, who kinda demands the attention, but even when I am not in "flirt mode", there was still a HUGE difference in the attitude of those around me. Now that I think about it a little more, it's almost like someone handicapped, or perhaps disfigured or going through radiation and losing their hair gets treated by most. If I don't aknowledge their presence I won't catch it. I go through this with Patrick and Ruby all the time. Two handicapped children in tow shopping does attract some attention, but they don't have a clue how to act or respond! Shortly after Ruby was born, I was noticing how people were getting uncomfortable when they saw her( For those of you who don't know, Ruby has Down Syndrome). She was only a few months old and still in the baby bucket and people would look at her, perhaps in the grocery store, ready to make a comment on my beautiful baby (which she absolutely was) and I would see the words die on their lips, and they would just smile and walk away. I would end up in tears. Then, after Easter Mass, which I cried most of the way through and was praying, why God, why my poor baby?, a lady approached us in the lobby and came to coo over the new baby. I braced myself for the worst, and as she looked in she said, "Oh My, God has given you one of his Special Angels! You must be very special people!"(There I go, crying again and it was 16 years ago!) and I wrapped my arms around this stranger and hugged her til I stopped crying. That was what it took for me to get over my pity party and worry about Ruby. That one simple statement gave me the strength to go forward with my chin up. Forgive me my pride, but she was right. I was chosen to have her, and help her, and raise this Special Angel. So when people shy away or become embarassed, I chose to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they just don't know how to respond or behave. So, I recommend that you do that with others that may be uncomfortable around you, as an obese person. I know you aren't sick, or diseased, or grotesque, but give people the benefit of the doubt. After all, not everyone's Mama raised them right.

Comments

[Diva-taunia.blogspot.com]

I absolutely adore you, and these words REALLY affected me, "I would see the words die on their lips." Like song lyrics, and just tugged at my heart. You and Ruby are so lucky to have each other, and I think you are one of the most beautiful, inspirational people I've ever had the pleasure to meet online. :)